Praying to Be

Even these trees out my window, now at their most lush, are but a temporal thing ~ less real than the love of God, less true than the Holy Spirit which pours that love into our hearts.

We are, all of us, fallen and weak creatures for whom joy is an ever escaping thing. We give our discomforts power greater than they actually possess, rooted in fear as they are.

Our fears . . . they are fears of loss and change and not knowing. We pray to know, as if we can. We do not pray simply to be. . .believing that we could never do that~just be.

Therein is our deepest, most unspeakable fear ~ not to exist. And so we think and speak and act, thereby earning the right to exist.

God told the prophet that human sacrifices were not wanted. Broken hearts are wanted ~ hearts that are empty save for the want of God.

Help me, O God, to be as you desire ~ to be at a complete loss for thoughts and words and deeds which surely are meant only to prove my right to live. Help me to believe; deep down truly and only believe that in your love alone I am worthy.

Were I to believe ~ I could be at peace and fully joyful.

~ Annette